1. |
Tesco
01:19
|
|||
|
Let’s go to Tesco
Let’s buy some bread
Then take it home with us
And eat it in bed
We can buy some cheese
As long as you say please
You can rub it on my knees
That would be nice
We can buy some chicken breast
And if you’re nice I’ll rub it on your chest
We can hang around in the bargain aisle
Touching all the out of date things
And when we go to the checkout
We can pretend to be robots going bing bing bing bing bing
|
||||
2. |
A Walk in the park
00:57
|
|||
|
He was walking in the park
It was the daytime, it was not dark
He was wearing his purple pants
He was in the mood for romance.
He was ginger, he had an afro.
He looked a bit like the wacky guy from the Fast Show.
He’d been chatting to a woman he’d seen online
She asked to meet up and he said fine
She’d requested to meet up in a public place
In case he was a psycho who wanted to eat her face
He messaged her back saying wasn’t that kind of the point?
She’d replied with a smiley with its face out of joint.
So he met her by a bench in a little clearing
And thought there must be something wrong with his hearing
Because as she approached there was a buzzing in the air
And when she took off her coat there was no woman there
She was made of bees
She was made of bees
A group of bees in a complex swarm
Had taken on a human woman’s form
She was made of bees.
|
||||
3. |
Little Feathery Fucks
00:41
|
|||
|
At work on my lunch break
I go for a walk around the lake
and for my sanity's sake
talk to the ducks
The little feathery fucks
don't listen though
they just swim around
pretending
they can't speak English
|
||||
4. |
I've stopped smoking
01:16
|
|||
5. |
I can't stand her
01:27
|
|||
6. |
||||
7. |
Bear Awareness
01:20
|
|||
8. |
||||
|
I'm went to the world championships of beat boxing
but I was just watching
Because I'm not very good at beatboxing
|
||||
9. |
||||
|
Paul the penguin was very mild mannered. Or at least that’s what everyone thought. Whenever they passed him on the ice he would nod his head, give a sincere smile and say “how do?”. They would smile back and think what a thoroughly nice penguin he was.
When Paul would return home (although penguins don’t really have homes) he would sit down and make a mental note of everyone who had been nice to him that day. He would also make a note of everyone who hadn’t been nice to him that day.
Fortunately for Paul and everyone he’d seen, he had never had to make a mental note of someone not being nice to him. This would have been very bad for everyone involved as Paul really disliked it when someone wasn’t nice to him. Even thinking about the possibility of that happening made his flippers curl up in anger, his blood start to boil (no mean feat in the sub zero Antarctic temperatures) , his brow furrow aggressively and a low growl start to emanate from his beak. When he realised he was angry for no reason he took a long deep breath and everything was fine again.
|
||||
10. |
||||
11. |
||||
|
Birds fly through the sky
Moles dig through the earth
Fish swim through the sea
You walk through the door
|
||||
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